I ALWAYS categorize guys when I meet or hang out with them (force of habit; can’t help it.)
NICE GUYS: These ones help out, they always have a solution to problems. Excellent friends, I tell you. I do not friendzone this type, I just…okay maybe I friendzoned only once. Had absolutely nothing to do with his niceness, true to God.
THE EGOMANIAC: They swing their car keys in your face, talk about their achievements. All in all, they expect you to fall flat on your face, kissing their feet from exposure to pure awesomeness. I never ever show curiosity; I saw and heard nothing.😑
THE PERFECT GUY: he’s a smart, awesomeness overload, considerate wise dude with an on-point personality. I’m certain he exists somewhere out there… probably on another planet or pages of silly romance novels. Okay, that wasn’t part of the list. 😂
THE MISOGYNIST: These ones… ayahyah. I loath their company. They usually end up disliking me, it’s a default reaction. I do not mince words when I’m in the presence of such. Oh, and whenever I’m forced to work with them, I always add “misogynist” to their names on my contact list; you know, for remembrance purposes. Yep, I get petty like that.😂
THE JOKER: I like these ones, ain’t boring to hang with. But I noticed something curious, almost all of them aren’t easy on the eye. Their hilarious nature always helps sha, cause you’ll just forget how they look and really like them. Score for y’all, score. 😉
THE SINFULLY HANDSOME: Sometimes, those in this category suffer from the “look at me, am I not your greatest heart desire?” syndrome. Most times, they end up being a disappointment up close; all they have going is the face and body. Boring. 😒
THE BOOKURU: Book is king, book is life, education is his Lord and master. These folks can’t even chill and enjoy life small. Whatever relationship I have with them is to ask academic questions then bolt back to the sanity that’s my life.
THE GO GETTERS: Determination is their motto. Almost anything is achievable for these guys. You should hear the pep talk I get from such. In my head, I’m just like: “Dude, I ain’t you na.”
THE RESERVED CHURCH BOY: Goody two-shoes, quiet somebody who goes to church eight days a week. We NEVER flow, not because he isn’t… nah. We just can’t flow.
THE FIRE-FIRE MAN: You don’t ask them but they’re quick to inform you of their status as a “man of God, a servant of the Most High”. A good number of these ones are just out to sniff out your sins or rip you off. How I so wish a screen were to suddenly appear over their head to show all their atrocities… hahaha. But God is merciful like that, he wouldn’t let it happen.
THE REAL JESUS FOLKS: Awesome humans; very wise. When you hang with them, you just feel that down to earth relationship they have with God. No fake for-show shit flying about and pelting your soul. High five y’all.😉
THE I-JUST-WANT-TO-GET-LAID MALES: They pant after females for a living. I flee from such. Seriously, I think they have papi-water spirit. Slimy characters. *shudders*
THE FIGURATIVE EUNUCHS: They feel nothing. Females might as well look like guys to them. I like their company, no fear of destroying friendship with unwanted feelings. Everyone is in the friendzone here. 😂
THE COOL-AS-A-CUCUMBER DUDES: I tell you, hanging out with them is like being in slow mo. They always chill, always.
THE I-HAVE-ALL-THE-SENSE-IN-THE-WORLD BROTHERS: Your opinion is horse dung. Smart alecs who know and see it all. For all they care, you’re an airhead who must be in awe of their great wisdom, knowledge and understanding. We NEVER flow.
Then there are THE DESTROYERS: By the time they’re done with you, you’d be the very spawn of the devil, either that or you’d become a shadow of the shadow of yourself. Wouldn’t approach such with a thousand foot pole. I always kill every attempt of friendship. Didn’t come this far only to destroy my future.
So, there’s my list. Lots of them overlap. Did I miss any category? Tell me.👂