Period 102

 

There are two times I remember intense pain waking me from sleep. One was a bad case of food poisoning in my first year at the university; nearly died. The second was when I was in JSS 2 or JSS 3, can’t remember.

It felt like a chainsaw was let loose in my stomach. From groaning in my sleep, I woke up to a world of pain. At that point I didn’t know period was sneaking up on me like a bloody ninja (pun intended). I think a day after that, I was ushered into womanhood. Rotfl.🤣
“Ushered into womanhood”? They make it sound like a cult or something.
giphy (4)
Wait, maybe it is…
Anyhoo, I wrote this “period facts” after someone read my blog post last year and asked me to please write Part 2 of the… nah, too much explanation. Straight to business.

Premenstrual Syndrome

Before period comes, it gives subtle or billboard-obvious signs that vary from female to female.
  • There’s the breakouts: Very annoying pimples on the face.
  • There’s the banging headaches.
  • Irritability: everything suddenly gets on her nerve and she bites at anyone foolish enough to disturb her”peace”. Or she gets easily excited or sad over trivial things.
  • Sugar craving in form of soda and the likes: Giving in is a terrible, terrible idea. Cramps will be worse.
  • Tender Breasts: exactly what it means. 😐
  • Bloating: her belly will feel like a drum. So uncomfortable.
  • Pre/Menstrual diarrhoea: Feels like she’s pooping a whale at first. Hurts sometimes, especially at the lower back.
  • Horniness: Like the unicorn.🦄
tenor (4)
yes… like the unicorn

The Dormitory Effect

It’s this thing that happens where a good number of females live together. Over time, when one starts her period, it’s like a chain reaction starts. Another female is likely to get her period then another. Spooky, I know.
6IvJ
Fear us, males… fear us.
On the side: some scientists have argued that this isn’t sufficiently proven to be a thing, but it happens frequently enough, so *shrugs*🤷🏾‍♀️

How It Starts

First day is like a river or a trickle, depending on the female. Can we hold the blood in? Nope. Holding it in is like trying to tightly hold on to an eel; it’ll slip right through. Yep, that’s why you see some females with blood stain in public. If they could hold it in, trust me, they would.
tenor (5)
Hold it in… hold it!

Types of Sanitary Products

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For knowledge sake, let’s give a little lesson on how pads, tampons and menstrual cups work cause… why not?🤷🏾‍♀️
tenor (7)
let me teach you
Pads (disposable) are absorbent flat towels made of plastic and bleached cotton. It’s placed on panties with its wings folded in. The adhesive on the back of the pad makes it stick to the panties and helps keep it in place. Leaving pad on for too long (more than 4-6 hours) may lead to infection, rash and/or bad odour.
Pads (reusable) are made of cloth material. The user would have to wash the towel after each use. Women of grit use this method. Unfortunately, I do not fall into this category. I am a grit-less woman.
tenor (8)
Noooooooo
Tampons are thin, tube-like compressed cotton that has a string attached to its end. Push it into the vagina and it absorbs the blood.
Leaving tampons on for too long (more than 8 hours) can lead to infection and, in extreme cases, Toxic Shock Syndrome which can (in rare cases) lead to organ failure. I kid you not.
Menstrual cups are these little thingys made of silicon or latex rubber. Most are reusable and can last for 5-10 years. Yep, you read that right… 10 years! To use, fold the tip, push through the vaginal opening and twist a bit. There. The cup would form a suction and collect all that blood with low likelihood of leakage.
When your normal “change” hour reaches, pull the cup by its distended tip, pinch the base to release the seal, empty, then wash thoroughly. Do not forget to sterilize after each flow, sister. There are those who say cups can be used for up 24 hours without having to empty and clean. Me think you should stick to the advised 8 hours cause… come on! Don’t you like your vagina? Let it breathe a lil’.
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let it breathe…

Cost

I’d just push the price of tampons and menstrual cups aside cause that’s not what got me riled up.

LET ME RANT!

Sanitary pads have always been my choice and the choice of every female I know. As for the cost… unnecessarily pricey. I pity girls who barely get by on a daily. One pack of pad cost N350. A typical female needs two pads for her monthly flow. Think about it for a moment. Can that girl use N700 to buy pad every month when money to pay fees, buy textbooks or simply survive is war?

No need to crap about how folks aren’t that poor. If you get down from your high horse for a bit and actually look, you will see these sad stories. Walk into any general hospital and ask for condoms. You would be given for FREE. What about pad? Nope. Even in public female restrooms, nada.
tenor (6)
why! Why! WHY!
One time I saw this ridiculous “smart-save” pack of Always. It contained three pads. I laughed. Three pads. Seriously? Any female who uses just three pads throughout her flow should just prepare her vagina for flaming UTI (Urinary Tract Infection). The only time the infection wouldn’t occur is if her vagina has the toughest antibodies known to man (which I strongly doubt she has.)
Okay, I’m done with all that rant.

End of Flow

It’s always smart to at least wear a pantyliner even two days after period has “stopped”. You know why? Period can be a really sneaky bitch who glories in embarrassing unsuspecting females. You’d be thinking you’re done and dusted for the month and your uterus would be like: not so fast, honey. Here’s a little extra blood I’ve been saving for you.
tenor (9)
There you go, darling😈
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Oh yes, and this post is partly in celebration of the Period emoji recently added to the emoji family. Hurrah to that. If poop emoji can exist, I wonder why it took this long to add a period emoji. Humans, my humans. *sigh*
I may have missed some other facts but meh. Y’all can add what I missed in the comment section. And do share this post if you enjoyed reading it. Later, humans.
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