Period 101 (for the ignorant/fainthearted)

“How can you put pad and bread in the same nylon bag?”

I looked from the pack of sanitary pads in my hand to my immediate younger bro’s face and asked, “Can’t you see it is unused?”

He shrugged and said, “But it’s pad.”

I merely smirked and proceeded to swipe the pack of sanitary pads over his arm. The dude’s reaction was instant. He sprung back as though I had smeared him with Ebola virus and made a run for it. I pursued, holding the pad like a taser gun but mehn, he was faster than me.

Never underestimate the power of pad, it makes full grown men race from you like you are a carrier of an incurable disease. 🤣

This post is for males who are clueless about period. Let me be your teacher for a bit.

Before we dive in, let’s get one fact cleared. Right now, even as you are reading this, a good number of females are bleeding through their vaginas.

😐

It’s a completely normal phenomenon. Deal with it.

And…

*taps Mic*

SEALED PADS DO NOT CARRY DISEASES!

Does it feel like I said that at the top of my lungs? *panting* You bet I did.

*flips hair and appears sane*

So, back to the main aim of this post. I will explain a few things about periods that would help the ignorant.

1) How Cramps Feel

It feels like I have a medium sized wound with a scab over it on the inside of my lower stomach, and that same scab is slowing peeled away from the still healing wound. Yep. That’s the feeling for me. And the pain also has a “gnawing contraction feeling.”

It would be like👇🏽
Hi!😈 (pain spreads over the area).
After a moment: Bye!😇 (pain disappears.)
ON REPEAT.

Now for someone with really REALLY painful cramps, imagine the above described pain steadily increasing in degree. A larger scab ripped away over and bloody over again. Excruciating. Nausea usually joins in and it sucks so, so bad.

And the mood? It dives. Nothing will make her smile. Some can’t even function properly, they’d be on the floor because no position is ever comfortable enough, and they groan and cry sometimes.

When I was in my teens and my sister slipped into the slippery slope of intense menstrual blues, I usually got frustrated with her. In my head I’d be like: “is it not just cramps? Shake it off. Look, I’m trying so hard to make you smile and you are too self-absorbed to react.”

I was so wrong.

Females are different, some feel next to nothing while some are in a world of agony I can’t even begin to imagine.

2) Stinky Blood

See, those who think that menstruation is bad blood leaving the body should get their facts right. If you are a female who thinks the blood that comes out of your body is some kind of disgusting infected substance, you need to get educated.

Spend some time at the Accident and Emergency Unit of one of our legendary General Hospitals, make sure it’s on a “busy day”. You would notice some victims bleed profusely. Give it some time and that same blood that once spurted from the body all alive and bright red, would darken and begin to stink. Why? Because once their blood comes in contact with air it begins to get bad.

When it comes to bleeding, blood is blood irrespective of where the body is losing it from.

Why then should menstrual blood not have a smell to it? How is it possible for a person to bleed through a covered but not-air-tight area for days, and a sane human still expects the blood to smell like roses or dandelions? You high on flowers or what? 😒

Dear female, if the smell bothers you so much, get scented pads. Case solved. But for those who believe it’s a needless expense, please use your ordinary pad with pride and joy. That’s how one man came to advertise a brand of pad that cost 42k per pack. Am I bleeding gold? I mean, it came in a fancy bag with a good number of pads in it but, 42k? Bruuuuh. 😂😂😂

Would he have had the soul to bring that financial mistake to us if he menstruates? I don’t think so.

3) Flow and Length of Period

This bit is dedicated to those dudes who are curious to know but would never ask. In Naija the most (arguably) popular brand of pad is Always. Wait o. Why is it called always sef?🤔
“Always menstruating”
or
“I will Always use you *whispering* …always“? 😂😂

Back to the point. There is the “blue” Always pad which is longer and suitable for heavy flow and there is the “cutie pinkie” (as I’ll like to call it) which is shorter and fine for those with a not-so-heavy flow. Oh, and the blue pads are the best for the females who just looooove to sleep on their back. 😏

As for length of flow, just know that anything less than 2 days or more than 7 days is medically viewed as abnormal. 🤷🏾‍♀️
And the manner of flow too. I once had a friend who exhausted one pack of pad in one day. 😨 Scary. So, so scary. That’s Menorrhagia.

Though there are other interesting period topics I’d have loved to share, I would stop here because this post has gotten too long and because someone I know got carried away with writing and writing and… 🤦🏽‍♀️

By and by, no female should feel ashamed of something that comes naturally with your body. I menstruate and I’ve unashamedly owned it from the very first day I bled.
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On the side, seriously, who ever uses wingless pads? The horror! 😖